Friends:

I need some help here. I have been off of opiates (perks, oxy's, dilaudid) for 23 days. I have been taking them daily for 4 years and have been dopesick hundreds of times, and have never made it this far. I am still having monster withdrawal. I am still sneezing, having diarrhea, difficulty sleeping, and anxiety that is INTOLERABLE. I have been taking a few klonopin, and it helps with anxiety and sleep. I only had 5, and i only got 5 for a reason. I do NOT want to become physically dependent on benzo's as the kick from them is so much worse than opiates. My line of work is a drug counselor and i dont want to seem like i know everything. I know what to tell, and how to encourage OTHER PEOPLE, but not myself. This seems like a never ending story. I still have no energy. I know the length of time varies. I went to rehab and seemed to do better when i was there, as my days were full. Now i am home, my kids go off to school, and i spend my days fighting everything. I dont have the energy to shower, but i make myself. Everything is a chore. Am i ever going to feel better? If so, how soon. I am on the verge of relapse or reversion cuz i feel like i cant take it ONE MORE SECOND. I swear, i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy, and would rather battle some life threatning illness than ever go through this again. And, if you have ever kicked ops, you know that every minute seems like an hour and the days are long. Will i ever be normal again? I have seen others get through it, but its just not happening for me. Please help me with some advice, encouragement or kind words. Thank you friends. P.S. I CANNOT do the NA meetings. Ive tried. God Bless the people for whom it works. I dont knock it, its just not for me.